Has My Fire Really Gone Out?

I just don’t know anymore. I’m supposed to be doing a travelogue project around the new football season and it’s going okay; not great, but okay. Several other projects are standing still and it seems like every little setback (real, or imagined) is a mortal blow, from which I cannot recover. Jesus, this is whiny. I had a nice evening out tonight with some good people (admittedly work colleagues) but now I feel… numb. I don’t get it, it’s like I lack that final layer of thick skin that regular human beings have. I’m down almost all of the time; despite having been chipper most of this week, there was this inevitability that I would swing back down again and it’s worse than it was before (name that song!). The cash machine swallowed my card before the meal and, though I didn’t panic (was in possession of just about enough cash to get through things), it set the tone and now I’m back where I was last week (note the lack of ‘blog entries, or any sort of output). Poverty has taken over until the 23rd (almost 3 weeks away) and I won’t be able to do the things I want to do. I suppose its an opportunity to knuckle down with my writing, but I feel like I’m walking in thick treacle. Nothing is easy and, when nothing gets done, I’ll feel like an even bigger failure. I’ve got all the faults of a Type-A Personality, without any of the drive, focus or motivation. Lucky me. On a personal level, the people I want to bring close to me are either pushed away, or reject me out of hand entirely, often for bizarre reasons. I can only tell myself (or The Legend can only tell me) so many times that it isn’t all my own fault. Told you this was whiny.

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2 Responses to “Has My Fire Really Gone Out?”

  1. the chairman Says:

    It’s nothing three whores and a baloon full of nitrous oxide won’t mend.

  2. The Shatner Says:

    Now I’ve swung back down again, its worse than it was before…

    If I hadn’t seen such riches, I could live with being poor.

    I’ll name that song!

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