Archive for September, 2006

You just can’t stop…

Posted in General on September 29, 2006 by Steve

The Legend.
Listening to “Hotel Yorba”, by The White Stripes.
The Legend says; “is that The White Stripes?”
Yes, The Legend (says I), it is indeed.
The Legend looks all smug, then says;

“You can tell, from Meg Ryan’s drumming”.

The Legend strikes again!


Mair CPU Nightmares

Posted in General on September 29, 2006 by Steve

At the folks just now, using their machine.
The laptop is bust.

On it’s last legs, methinks.

Classic Legend (from the archives)

Posted in General on September 15, 2006 by Steve

The Legend, back in the days when the Textiles College Union was good, pulled a girl called Kathy on and off for a few weeks (The Legend doesn’t do relationships). Kathy wasn’t as bad as some of The Legend‘s conquests, but she wasn’t a looker. Deliciously, she was a senior member of the Christian Union at the college. Anyway, Kathy, fearing for his reputation (guilt by association, and all), kept her daliances with The Legend wrapped in flat denial. Everyone knew, of course.

They disappeared one Saturday night from the Union bar (Kathy’s flat was in a block only two hundred yards away) and The Legend, presumably in the throes of drunken passion, had forgotten his jacket. The Legend‘s sartorial judgement meant that throwing out the jacket would’ve been a favour. That said, Kathy’s flat (we were delighted to learn) was on the ground floor. Security measures could be bypassed by a simple chap on the window.

Kathy tried to ignore the tapping but we could see her shuffling around so Facts (for it is he!) and I bravely continued knocking. Clearly annoyed (and hastily putting on a dressing gown), Kathy eventually answered our calls. She flatly denied that The Legend was there and that our jacket-related mission was in vain. And that we were to leave immediately, before security were called.

Unfortunately for Kathy (and, indeed, us), she didn’t realise that The Legend was standing, thumbs up, naked and aroused behind her. With a massive grin on his face. Our selfless crusade to return the jacket was a success! Huzzah! It is only fair, dear reader, to leave the last word of the story, as we did all those years ago, to the man himself.

“Cheers boys, you can hang it oan this if you like”.

Ladies and Gentlemen, The Legend.

Disturbing Dreams (ctd)

Posted in General on September 15, 2006 by Steve

Crashed out early last night.
Dreamt I was being chased through a forest.
By Bernie Clifton, shouting the following;

“Those aren’t my legs!”


“The ostrich is a relentless killer!”

Must’ve been the gouda cheese on toast.
Woke up in the morning to find a drunken text from Badgergirl.

Saying only;


I think Badgergirl may be using witchcraft.

Natascha Kampusch

Posted in General on September 7, 2006 by Steve

Fascinating story about a teenage Austrian kidnap victim who’s abductor committed suicide after holding her captive for eight years.

BBC Story

The Legend thinks she’s a looker, n’all.
That’s not all. In his own words;

“She’ll ken her way roon’ a boabie by now”.

Leave it to The Legend, who finally laid something last night.
His new carpet.

Poverty and Carpets

Posted in General on September 6, 2006 by Steve

I am officially skint.
Payday is the 23rd.
Bills paid and food bought.
I could do to miss a few meals, mind.
The Legend is finally getting it laid.
The new carpet, that is.
Tomniblob is on duty for that.
The Stooge seems to be supervising.
That’s nice.
John Reid will have to sub me the bus fare now…