Classic Legend (from the archives)

The Legend, back in the days when the Textiles College Union was good, pulled a girl called Kathy on and off for a few weeks (The Legend doesn’t do relationships). Kathy wasn’t as bad as some of The Legend‘s conquests, but she wasn’t a looker. Deliciously, she was a senior member of the Christian Union at the college. Anyway, Kathy, fearing for his reputation (guilt by association, and all), kept her daliances with The Legend wrapped in flat denial. Everyone knew, of course.

They disappeared one Saturday night from the Union bar (Kathy’s flat was in a block only two hundred yards away) and The Legend, presumably in the throes of drunken passion, had forgotten his jacket. The Legend‘s sartorial judgement meant that throwing out the jacket would’ve been a favour. That said, Kathy’s flat (we were delighted to learn) was on the ground floor. Security measures could be bypassed by a simple chap on the window.

Kathy tried to ignore the tapping but we could see her shuffling around so Facts (for it is he!) and I bravely continued knocking. Clearly annoyed (and hastily putting on a dressing gown), Kathy eventually answered our calls. She flatly denied that The Legend was there and that our jacket-related mission was in vain. And that we were to leave immediately, before security were called.

Unfortunately for Kathy (and, indeed, us), she didn’t realise that The Legend was standing, thumbs up, naked and aroused behind her. With a massive grin on his face. Our selfless crusade to return the jacket was a success! Huzzah! It is only fair, dear reader, to leave the last word of the story, as we did all those years ago, to the man himself.

“Cheers boys, you can hang it oan this if you like”.

Ladies and Gentlemen, The Legend.

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