Archive for November, 2006

Rest in Peace

Posted in General on November 28, 2006 by Steve

Alan “Fluff” Freeman, a thouroughly nice chap, passed on today. This is hot on the heels of director Robert Altman, most famous for the excellent film version of MASH. Both will be sorely missed by their many fans and loved ones.

What I’m about to say may seem sick, but bear with me…

I’m in an online celebrity death pool for 2006 and had both of the above, as well as film legend Jack Palance (dead), ska legend Desmond Dekker (ditto) and Michael Jackson (one correct jury verdict away). Dunno if anyone else has four from five (once someone in the pool picks a celebrity, they’re claimed and cannot be picked by anyone else). One of my mates had George Best, crocodile hunter Steve Irwin and South African facist PW Botha, so I suppose its possible. Another mate had Billy Preston that played on “Get Back” with the Beatles, but he had the remaining two Beatles as well. He’s probably not in the running now, unless something bad happens around Christmas. He also had Cliff Richard, because hope is everything.

The Legend isn’t in on this game, he thinks it’s sick (!)

But there’s cash on the line here!

Recent Gigs (and Legend)

Posted in General on November 28, 2006 by Steve

Decent recent showings in Glasgow (Rockers, last Wednesday) and Edinburgh (Bannermans, lat night).
The latter was hampered somewhat by bad sound.
The highlight of the night being The Legend running out of the bogs to tell us about the metallic slanted wall and ceiling in there that;

“Makes ma boabie look massive!”

The Legend was then forced to run back into said facility because;

“Ah’m so excited, ah forgot tae wash ma hauns.”

Tales of puking on cardigans and pool tables came up, and much laughter ensued. Seemed to go down well.

omniblob – book us, and we may bring The Legend along.

More Classic Legend (from the archives)

Posted in General on November 24, 2006 by Steve

The Legend‘s period of nurse training in Aberdeen was auspicious to say the least. Way too many stories to tell in one sitting. During the early lecture period was an anatomy class which, naturally, included a section on the female reproductive organs. The lecturer kindly informed the small number of male students of the exact location of the clitoris. Silence descended upon the packed auditorium until The Legend shouted with a voice Odin himself would have cowered under in terror;

“Christ, all this time I’ve been licking the pee-hole”.

Dear reader, this was by no means The Legend‘s genital nadir during his time in the frozen north. That came during his placement on the maternity ward, where The Legend was invited by his tutor thus;

“Would you like to touch the cervix?”

To which The Legend replied;

“Well, this’ll be the only time I’ll ever get that far up.”

The reaction of the patient was never reliably reported, dear reader.

Never drinking again…

Posted in General on November 24, 2006 by Steve

…honest.
I’m in pain.
Two hours sleep.
Work today.
Shite.

The Usual…

Posted in General on November 16, 2006 by Steve

Got a lightbox last week.
Seems to be helping.
Mimics natural daylight.
Stops me being as miserable.
Now, all I need is another job.
That is all.

New TV!!!

Posted in General on November 16, 2006 by Steve

The Legend bought a new, flat screen TV.
The Legend was on night shift last night.
A night of DVDs, haha!
Some of which weren’t remotely pornographic.
Good TV, mind.
Couldn’t save the England v Holland game, though.
The good news is; McLaren hasn’t got a clue, either.
Good times all round.

Notes from the Underground

Posted in General on November 14, 2006 by Steve

Just bought this (incredibly, haven’t read it).
Dostoyevsky’s most famous work of short fiction.
The calm before the storm of his later classic novels.
Fucking amaaaaazzzzziiinnngggg!!!
Worryingly, I’m empathising with the narrator.
There’s a theme in my book, Every Now and Then, about virtue and jealousy.
A similar question is asked in Notes from the Underground.
Admittedly more eloquently.
Quite chuffed about it, to be honest.
Yes, I just compared my own work to Dostoyevsky.
In a modest way, mind…