Exercise? Pah!

I am more convinced than ever that attempting to get healthy will be the death of me. The latest development is the purchase of a chin-up bar.

Incidentally, purchasing an item of exercise equipment is a good way of assuaging guilt felt by not exercising enough (even if the item is destined to be rarely used). Another good trick is to buy Men’s Health magazine regularly (even if it remains unread), as is buying fresh fruit and vegetables (even if they lie in the fridge until they go off). The Legend is the Jedi master of such psychology. The Legend needs only to say the word “exercise” every six months or so to fill his quota of exercise versus guilt.

Anyway, after much effort yesterday, I managed to do one chin-up (look, it’s fucking hard, OK?) and was so pleased with myself, I did a fist-pump. Unfortunately, I was still on the bar (one-handed, at this point) and swung to my right, like a paraplegic monkey. I hit my head on the door frame, thus completing the simian look as I rubbed my head, shouting “ooh! ooh!

Not the best I’ve ever looked.

Anyway, this story was of much amusement of Mr and Mrs Facts (for it is they!) last night, as I partook of their hospitality and the two bottles of chianti we had. A good night all in, I volunteered to go to the Spar and get another bottle before it closed. Unfortunately, I had a half-cut moment of indecision between the chianti and rioja. Decisions, decisions..

Yes, of course I bought both. Good times.

Facts (for it is he!) didn’t make into the gym today, but I soldiered through the hangover, much to the amusement of the staff. They’re a good bunch who took great delight in introducing me to the new members as “the hungover guy”. The new members, incidentally, ranged between “stunning” and merely “gorgeous” whereas I looked as you would imagine; a hungover monkey-man with a lump on his head. This always happens to me.

Then, I kid you not, this song came on over the tannoy!

Anyway, The Legend has arrived, complete with chips and booze.  The clean living can take a back-seat tonight. Onwards and upwards!

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