Last night…

In my desperation to avoid listening to the slug’s death rattle as Dons manager, I was keen to find alternative entertainment. Those of you who have read my novel (at least seven of you, acording to Amazon) will know of my keen interest in human nature and masculinity’s link to violence. So, Horizon‘s look at violence in ordinary people seemed like a decent bet.

Look at who they got to present it. Is this a joke? Or a cynical attempt to get viewers to violently smash their televisions, in some ironic manipulation of the public? Jesus, min!

So, The Legend and I decided to take in the new Star Trek film. Pretty entertaining, in the way that drinking water out of lead pipes for twenty years would be. Seriously, my IQ dropped at least thirty points (how would anyone notice?). The problem was the attempt to make it all post-modern and knowing for the young folk, which made it as camp as a weekend at Butlins with Christopher Biggins. Needless to say, The Legend thought it was fantastic and was so excited, The Legend probably impregnated the women in the row in front of us, as well as the seats themselves. Worth seeing for the special effects but they should have cast the only actor capable of playing a young James Tiberius Kirk.

In fact, the perfect Star Trek film could be made if…

William Shatner is cast in every role.

William Shatner designs the costumes.

To tell the goodies and baddies apart, think capes and Shatner’s great acting.

William Shatner records all of the sound effects.

William Shatner records the entire soundtrack.

William Shatner records and choreographs a twenty minute musical climax.

Said musical number is titled “Mon then, Romulans, yir tea’s oot.”

Now, THAT’S  a great film…


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