Archive for September, 2009

Yet more sophistication!

Posted in Uncategorized on September 30, 2009 by Steve

Weel kent faces!

Brilliant website!

Posted in Uncategorized on September 26, 2009 by Steve

The last word in sophistication.

Hilarious. Deserves to be read in its entirety.

Mixed emotions?

Posted in Uncategorized on September 26, 2009 by Steve

Pleased with performance against R*ng*rs and a point isn’t too bad, but a first win at that particular ground was on the cards. The manner of the performance by the young loons was heartening; the second half in particular was excellent, as they kept the ball with ease and made Satan’s Little Helpers look as ordinary as they are.

The referee saw fit to book Lee McCulloch for this. Good to see fairness is still the highest priority of the SFA. McCulloch has turned into a horrible little bastard, so will probably be made their next captain. Filthy little club, with filthy little fans.

McGhee seemed reasonably satisfied, though disappointed that the game wasn’t won. How any AFC fans can be against this man is beyond me. Would they rather have Calderwood b(l)ack?

Won’t somebody please think of the gerbils?

Posted in Uncategorized on September 20, 2009 by Steve

Hi, Anonymous Correspondent speaking; here to (anonymously) humiliate myself, for the sake of your puerile entertainment. Steve takes up the story…


Our Anonymous Correspondent (AC) had arranged to meet an interesting young lady he’d gotten to know recently. Ostensibly meeting up in Edinburgh on Saturday to go to the Portrait Gallery, the young lady decided to forego the cultural experience and invite our AC to her flat for activities rather more base. This suited our AC down to the ground, given his feeling that portraiture is an, ultimately, dying art form compared to modern art and, indeed, even landscapes, given the advances in architecture and the new artificial palette the post-industrial world has given us to view and reinterpret.

Anyway, our AC, resplendent with two shriveled sultanas where previously there had been plums, was offered a post-coital smoke by the young lady in question. Normally, our AC stays well clear of the old Jamaican Woodbines, finding the only thing more boring than smoking Jazz Fags are the people who smoke Jazz Fags. Under the intimate circumstances however (and the fact that the young lady had pre-rolled two) our AC decided it was perhaps appropriate.

Big mistake. Our AC, unused to the weapons strength substance (that, worryingly, hardly seemed to affect the young lady), was quickly reduced to a paranoid, gibbering mess. Sweating, tears and shakes; our AC had what could only be described as “the fear.” This reaction, and the accompanying silence (save for the odd whimper) seemed to irk the young lady who, quite reasonably, surmised that our AC‘s silence was a sign of our AC‘s indifference to her. She demanded at least some conversation, if further carnality was off the immediate agenda. Looking round the room for a conversation starter, our AC eyed what looked like a pet cage and (feebly, it must be said) asked the young lady if she kept hamsters.

“No. They’re gerbils.”

Unsure if he had offended her (do gerbil owners hate hamster owners, and vice versa?), our AC decided to revert to silence. The young lady, having none of it, looked our AC dead in the eye and asked;

“Would you like to see me feed one to the snake?”

Confusion and paranoia, already a problem, freaked our AC out even further. Was it a sexual euphemism, that he was unaware of (later, our AC would rue that it had been him that had fed his snake to her gerbil)? Sadly, it was not, as evidenced by the young lady’s serious tone and the AC‘s first sighting of what looked like a large fish tank in the spare room of the flat.

What transpired after this was a bit of a blur that our AC remembers little of, save declining the offer of meeting the said snake and the disappointment evident in the young lady. It was mutually agreed that our AC would be better off leaving, all the while unsure if he was unlucky in love, or lucky to be making such an easy escape. Apparently, the last thing our freaked out, half sobbing AC said to the young lady was;

“Please don’t kill the gerbil!”


Anonymous Correspondent here, I don’t think I’ll be seeing her again, but I might grass (pun intended) to the authorities. The SSPCA has a right to know!

Laugh, or cry?

Posted in Uncategorized on September 12, 2009 by Steve

New AIDS campaign video.

Needless to say, I laughed.

Resist the temptation to be aroused.

Trust me on this.

David Foster Wallace

Posted in Uncategorized on September 12, 2009 by Steve

21/02/1968 – 12/09/2008. Probably my favourite writer of the last twenty years, he hung himself a year ago today. I just finished re-reading his 1996 masterpiece Infinite Jest, a book so fanatically loved that it inspired a worldwide re-reading project this year (yes, I am one of them, what a geek).

Wallace’s non-fiction was at least as good as his novels, this article on Roger Federer is a brilliant example. The article was written for Play, a quarterly sports magazine from the New York Times with an ethos of fantastic writing and analysis. Needless to say, it bombed and was shelved. What does that tell you, about the public, at large?

Here’s a brilliant article about DFW from Rolling Stone. Reference is made to Wallace’s friend (and Rolling Stone writer) Evan Wright, wh0 wrote the fantastic Generation Kill, made for HBO by David Simon, creator of The Wire.

Here’s a fantastic (very lengthy!) article from the New Yorker Magazine.

Round the world, there will be people reading that and nodding their heads.

Wallace’s novels; The Broom of the System, Infinite Jest, The Pale King (incomplete, rumoured to be released in some form next year).

Short story collections; Girl with the Curious Hair, Brief Interviews with Hideous Men, Oblivion: Stories.

Non-fiction; Signifying Rappers, A Supposedly Fun Thing I’ll Never Do Again, Up Simba, Everything and More, Consider the Lobster.

R.I.P.

Scary where the time goes.

Posted in Uncategorized on September 10, 2009 by Steve

10th September 1985.  Jock Stein.