Ian Bell’s Saturday Essay

Comparing Broon to Major???

Gumtree

You’ve probably heard of this site, it’s basically a classified ads section on the internet.

In the main, I’ve not given it much notice, until someone sent me this.

Good show!

Oh. My. Word.

CFL Lineman tackles bag-snatcher.

When your friends need killing…

For some strange reason, yours truly has taken it upon himself to clear out the junk in the flat (“Falujah’s most rockin’ spot!” – The Big Issue). One and a half cupboards (and eight, count ’em!) rubbish bags in, a rest became necessary. Bear in mind that former owners / tenants of the flat (“A hacienda of fun and laughter.” – Depression Journal) include;

The Legend

Facts (for it is he!)

The Other Brother

The Pig Fancier, aka The Chubby Chaser

If your mind, dear reader, is immediately awash with sordid thoughts of depravity that make you despair for the human race, you are on the right track. As a fun game to pass the time, why not guess which item belonged to which flatmate? Literally minutes of fun! Bear in mind that The Pig Fancier Memorial Porn Collection had already been thrown out, due to the horrid paper mache form it had taken (much to The Legend‘s chagrin).

A Glentoran ceramic teddy bear (head missing), Fuck Truck (“filmed in anal-vision!”) volumes 2 and 5 (on VHS!!!), this writer’s long-lost holdall (filled with burst cartons of baby-milk, somebody’s dead for that one), a plastic drug bag with a cannabis leaf logo (thankfully, empty), several years worth of R.C.N. folders (clearly unread), a worrying amount of Buffy the Vampire Slayer (again, on VHS), computer equipment dating back to the stone age, an album “inspired by Lord of the Rings” (on vinyl), three metric tonnes of out-dated omniblob promo cds, religious leaflets, fantasy novels, children’s junk (why do all things for children come in odd shapes and lack the ability to fold???) and old newspapers!

Why? Why such a mix of junk, religious pamphlets and pornography? Interestingly, there was a small booklet entitled “Razzle’s Rudest Letters” that was bookmarked with a pamphlet called “What Would Jesus Do?” and I’m sure Lisa from Peterborough (who, it must be said, can write a very rude letter) would’ve been most flattered by this, if a little worried about the kind of mind that mixes modern Christianity with Razzle (the magazine that balances best between attractive and plausible).

I don’t know what I’m getting on my high horse for, I count these people as my friends…

Mark Thomas for P.M.

Thomas was, as usual, funny as a very funny thing, being very funny last week. Check out his site.

He’s currently suing the House of Commons over expenses, campaigning to deny the Witch of Grantham a state funeral, ripping the piss out of an “ethical” drinks company that just sold its soul and compiling a people’s manifesto. Our contribution was “Archer’s Law.”

This man should be Prime Minister.

He’s at the Stand, during the Fringe.

Ian Bell on educational inequality

I’ve seen these charmers up close. “Theft” is the word.

New Labour can fuck off and die.

Ian Bell – Final Whistle

Ian Bell’s Sunday Herald fitba column.

Ian Bell’s Saturday Essay

Bell on the moon landings, etc.

Ian Bell on Afghanistan

A good piece, with just the right amount of anger.

Charlie Brooker

Entertaining column from The Guardian.

Enjoyed the Kent Brockman reference at the end, which a few of the readers in the comments section picked up on.